Sunday, May 16, 2010

A Broad


For awhile now I've been interested in studying on an international exchange. My uni is very enthusiastic about kids doing this. I think its so that we're out of their hair and in return they get studious, quiet, conforming, commercially lucrative exchange students from overseas. There is no downside for them.

So I went into the international office and stood dumbly staring at a poster next to the receptionist's desk that said "You are in the wrong place. You must make an appointment." I thought for a moment and decided it was worth the risk and asked the receptionist for information. She smiled at my apology for disturbing her.

"The sign isn't applicable today."

I shrugged and apologised again for disturbing her (which I fumbled on and came out sounding like 'disrobing', which is rather forward of me). She called the lady I needed to speak to and asked me to wait for a bit. I sat and played with an app involving aliens being shot. Then the lady in charge (Paula, daughter of Valhalla and all its surverys) came storming out of the back room and demanded to know what I wanted. I explained that I had submitted an application and just wanted to finalise it etc. Paula, realising who I was, for some reason became sweetness itself and offered me a seat.

"So, you were thinking of going to Bristol? Or Cornell?"
"Well yes. UCL would be better but evidently I'm not studying the right thing."
"No. No you're not. I have to tell you something though."
"Mm." I said tentatively and naturally fearing the worst (ie you're a bad knowitall sonofabitch and we wouldn't let you achieve your goals whatever the cost!)
"Some of our Asian friends have seen your application and they're... very excited." I looked at her and waited for her to continue.
"You see, with your grades and area of study, combining geography and anthropology in the way you have... well they want you."
"What Asians?" I said trying to work out what the hell she meant. She explained that there was a Thai, Malaysian, and Korean university all prepared to give me scholarships to go there. On top of that my own uni would give me a few grand guilt-free for being such a stand-up sort of gent.

At this point I paused and without realising, posed myself a hypothetical question.

If I was going to go to one of these universities, which would have the prettiest girls?

Funny how these questions pop up before you've even had a chance to decide whether you should have asked them. I decided they (the girls) were all pretty even, though devoutly Muslim Malaysia may prove to be something of an issue (sorry Malaysia!).

"But the Korean university is very interested."
"I hear you, but I don't really want to go to Korea. What I mean is - I really was set on the East Coast of the US (at this point images of smiling Cape Cod Julias with long brown hair chatting to knowledgable NYU humanities Chloes in Washington Square Park flitted across my vision).
"But you see, the Korean uni really wants you." She actually emphasised the 'you'. Was she coming on to me? Jesus!
"I get that, but I don't want them..."
"Okay, but you see, the Korean university really wants you and will pay for your accommodation and airfares, and will organise an english tutoring job for around $30 per hour. On top of that there is our generous scholarship. Potentially you could come back with more than you left with. On top of that, I'll make sure that when you come back, you can go right back on another exchange to a place that would've been your first choice."
"... ... whats the catch?"
"... ... Its South Korea."
"Oh..."

So I guess I'm going to Korea!

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